7 Steps to Stay Grounded During Chaotic Times

 

A man is dealing with intense work rush hour traffic jam stress by getting relief doing yoga on top of his car in this humorous scene that shows PEACE on the license plate of the car he is sitting on.

You live in chaotic times. With electronic media, you are overwhelmed with news from around the world twenty-four hours a day. Most news is negative, full of fear, violence and despair. You feel weighted down by negativity. You want to experience joy without having to put your head in the sand. Here are seven ways to stay grounded despite all this and enjoy life.

  1. Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness is a great place to start. Mindfulness is a meditation practice to help you to live in the moment. The good news is that living in the moment does not require you to silence the mind. It is normal for your mind to think just as it is for your heart to beat.

 

Mindfulness can help you to quiet the mind through not getting overly attached to your thoughts. If you have not done this before you will need lots of practise just because you are starting a new habit. Start small with a goal you can achieve. So, you might want to start meditating for only five minutes each day.

Your daily practise can help you to reconnect with your highest self leading to a more meaningful life. You are at your best when you are open to your three energy centers. The three centers are body (physical), heart, (emotions) and head (thoughts). You will discover an inner knowing that you will grow to trust. Over time you will find your inner peace that will help you to live with hope, joy and purpose.

  1. You are what you eat

You have probably heard this statement before “You are what you eat”. When you are grounded you pay more attention to how your physical and emotional self responds to different types of food. Your body will let you know what it needs.

Your body will also let you know what type of exercise it needs. Have you heard that you should exercise until it hurts? You can seriously hurt yourself if you don’t pay attention to the wisdom of your body. If your body is hurting you probably have pushed yourself to far.

Your body is unique to you. What others need does not necessarily mean you need the same thing. If you have tried, unsuccessfully, many exercise and diet programs do not despair. The more you practice mindfulness the better you will be with giving your body what it needs.

  1. Friends

Spending time in person with good friends can brighten your day. Have you noticed the difference between messaging, texting, talking on the phone and visiting in person? Meeting in person is always the most powerful way to connect with another person.

Most importantly you communicate not only with your words, but with your whole body. There is much you miss when you can not see the other person face to face, body to body.  When you are grounded, you can learn a lot about another person by how you feel inside yourself. You simply need to be open, to fully experiencing another person and be willing to go deep within yourself.

Have you noticed that you treat and are treated better when you are in person because there is no place to hide? There is much hatred and intolerance on social media because people don’t have to take ownership for what they say.

  1. Music therapy

Listen to music/songs that inspire you. What is your favourite song? Have you ever noticed what you experience on hearing different types of music and songs? Many of us are oblivious to how music impacts us.

Music and songs can touch as at a deep level. Some music gets us angry. Some music brings us feelings of peace. Some music is very disturbing. Have you ever reflected on how screen writers use music and song to heighten the emotions in a movie?

 

What music calms your mind? What are the songs that help you to cry?  What songs bring out the courage in you? Just remember what brings out these emotions in you won’t necessarily bring it out the same way in another person.

 

  1. Random acts of kindness

Practising random acts of kindness not only helps others, it changes the way you experience the world.  Have you noticed how good you feel after doing something positive for another person, an animal and/or for the environment? Acting with love changes the way you experience the world.

When you act with compassion your own energy is transformed. The energy of compassion permeates your whole being. You may not always be aware of it, but the people you meet are impacted by the emotional, spiritual and physical energy that emanates from you.

You attract the people with the same type of energy you have. Compassion attracts people with compassion. Calm attracts people who are calm. Contentment attracts people who are content. You will also attract those who desire to change. You can be a shining light for those caught in the storms of life.

 

  1. Joy of playing

Do you remember the joy of playing when you were a child? Playing helps you to find the inner child within you. A way of being when you are open, free and non-judgemental allowing you to experience the world through the lens of wonder and simplicity.

Growing up you have had to put on armour to protect you from all that all life throws at you. This is your ego at work. You could not survive without your ego, but as an adult it can hamper your growth. The good news is that with play you can rekindle that same spirit in you again.

 

Finding your true self can begin along journey for transformation. When you can begin to reside in this place of openness, wisdom and love suddenly the impossible is possible.

 

 

  1. Volunteering

Volunteer for an awesome non-profit organization is a great way to find hope, meaning and joy in life. What are your favourite non-profits? How would you like to make a difference in the world? What skills do you have to offer?

There are so many ways to volunteer in the world. Do you like to work in teams or do you work best work alone?  Maybe this will even lead to a job of your dreams.

Volunteering with a group that fits your values can change the way you see the world. When you feel good about what you do; you can change your emotions, your body chemistry and the lens which you see the world. The world will start to look a lot friendlier. You can choose to move from despair to hope. You will be a light to the world.

 

With intention, you can stay grounded no matter what is happening in the world.  Stay grounded through caring for your body, emotions and thoughts. Meditation helps you to stay in touch with your inner self. Caring for your body through exercise and eating well is life giving. Connecting with friends helps you to stay connected. Music and songs uplifts your spirit. Playing, like a child, opens your heart to experiencing the world with openness. Last and not least, volunteer for an organization that fits your values which helps you to radiate hope wherever you go.

 

Roland Legge offers life coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, families and executives to help them to be the best they can be. For more information please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or book your appointment online at   https://www.relconsultants.com/calendar/ .  Please click on “Discovery Call”.

 

 

 

 

Nine Signs that your Relationship is Over

Unhappy stressed young couple having an argument

Relationships are Complex

Intimate relationships are complex. At their best they are meaningful, encouraging and beautiful and at their worst they destroy lives. All relationships go through ups and downs.

The Joy is Gone

But when the joy of being together is no longer there we ether need to make changes or end the relationship. I am writing to you who have tried everything to save your relationship, but nothing seems to be changing.

Faithful you have Been

You have worked so hard to save your relationship! Your family and friends have been after you to leave your partner. But you took your vows seriously and did everything you could to save it.

It is hard to let Go

It is hard to let go. It feels overwhelming to envision life on your own whether the relationship has been long or short, especially if you have children. You feel like a failure because you are breaking a promise. You never imagined you would be the one to end the relationship.

You feel Alone

You feel alone and fear it will be worse when you are separated. You wonder how it will impact the friendships you have developed as a couple. You wonder how it will impact your children. You ask yourself is this the best decision for my children.

The Promise I Made

Most of us go into marriages with the expectation they will be life long. Sadly there are still religious groups that condemn people who leave marriages. If you have done your best to save your marriage, if there was something good to save, you have nothing to be ashamed of. But there comes the moment when it is time to let go so you can find some joy in your life again.

The Nine Signs

Here are nine signs that suggest it may be time to end your relationship:

Walking on Egg Shells

  1. You feel like you are walking on egg shells. You are always fighting and/or being given the silent treatment. You haven’t had a good sleep in weeks. The stress is taking a toll on you. Friends, family and colleagues keep asking you what is wrong. You are too embarrassed to tell the people in your life.

 

My Children are Acting Out

  1. Your children are acting out even though you have tried so hard to prevent the children from knowing that you are having relationship problems. You keep reassuring them even though you know you are lying.

 

What more is there to Read?

  1. You have read so many books on relationships, but nothing seems to be working. Your spouse isn’t interested and thinks all these books are silly. He thinks there is not a problem. He says this is how it was it was with his parents. He keeps telling me just to suck it up. This makes me cry even more.

 

It is all in your Head

  1. You have been after her to go for counselling. She keeps telling you it is all in your head. You still go but no matter what you try nothing seems to improve. The stronger you get the more you realize that you can’t not live with this stress much longer.

 

Your Friends are Worried

  1. Your best friend tells you over and over that you have a place to come whenever you decide to leave. They tell you how concerned they are for your wellbeing. They tell you how much they hate seeing you suffer. They keep reminding me that you are not a failure. You are gradually getting to believe her.

 

Pushed Beyond Limits

 

  1. You are pushed beyond your limits. He goes off and buys the latest Quad which we can not afford. You are getting more and more worried that you are going to have difficulty in paying bills. He wants to go on a big trip this summer. You keep telling him that you can not afford it.

 

My Spouse is in Denial

  1. You would not call your spouse an alcoholic, but you have always been concerned that they drink too much at times. You notice that she is becoming more and more irritated the more she drinks. You ask her to stop and get help but she won’t listen.

 

I am always Sick

  1. You are getting sick far too often. You have terrible headaches! Your stomach is upset. You are feeling depressed. You are at your wits end. Suddenly the thought you had avoided of leaving is starting to feel like a good idea.

 

Why Me?

  1. You have tried so hard to ignore your intuition. You had never thought you would be the one to end the relationship. You are discovering strength and courage within yourself to make the break. It still feels overwhelming but you know that you will make it through it with the help of friends, family and professionals.

Are you Ready for the Big Decision?

Are you at the breaking point? Usually something will happen that will make you question whether it is worth trying to save your relationship. If you can relate to a half or more of the nine points you may be ready to make that big decision.

What a Relief

Once you make the decision to leave it feels like a load has come off your back. You call your best friend to tell them your decision. You start the process to leave deciding that you are going to write a letter to your spouse explaining your reasons for leaving and that you will be find a lawyer and/or mediator to begin the formal separation process.

There is Hope

You surround yourself with all those you need to walk through this process. You feel hopeful for the first time in a long time. You know deep within you that you are making the best decision.

 

Roland Legge offers coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, families and executives to help them to be the best they can be. For more information please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or you can email Roland at rolandlegge@relconsultants.com

 

 

Relationships are not always for Ever

Gefangen im Liebeschaos

 

Getting out of an unhealthy Relationship

Are you in a relationship you need to get out of? What is preventing you from leaving? Is it more about what others will think of you if you leave. Is it about the money? Is it about the wellbeing of your children?

Family and Friends

Have you considered that your close friends and family maybe wondering why you are still stuck in this unhappy relationship? They might even be willing to help you in your time of transition. People who love you want the best for you.

Relationships are not supposed to End

Most of us come into relationships expecting them to be life long. Relationships come to an end for many reasons. Sometimes we choose our partner out of desperation to feel normal and not alone. Other times we don’t invest enough time together in our relationship that one day we wake up and don’t know the other person.

Learning along the Journey

There are times when one person in the couple grows in self awareness while the other in the relationship stays stuck. One might be happy with the status quo but the other is not happy and wants change. No one can be forced to change. We can only invite.

Children are Impacted

If you are staying in the relationship to protect your children this is not a good reason. Children are very sensitive and will notice the conflict between you and your partner no matter how hard you try to hide it. Your kids will be much happier if they have two happier parents living apart.

I would never end a Relationship!

You may be like me, who never dreamed they would be the one to end the relationship. But often it is the one who is seeking change is the one who needs to take the initiative to ether seek help or begin the process to end the relationship. Your partner might be angry with you at the time, but in the end, they may even thank you. Destructive relationships are not good for anyone.

Breakup are never Easy

Even in the best of breakups they are never easy. If you can work through issues with a mediator this is much better than fighting in court. Working this out together cooperatively will be a win win for all.

Life is Precious

Our lives are too short to not enjoy what we have been given. What makes you shine? What do you love to do? What brings a smile to your face. Who are the people you really want in your life? So now might be a good time in your life to invest time and money into helping you to find greater joy, harmony and purpose in life.

You are Loved

I was amazed by all the support I got from friends and family when I ended my first marriage. I discovered who my true friends were. I was showered was love. It didn’t take my pain away but it sure made it much easier to move on.

You are not Alone

Remember you are not alone! We are all here on this planet to support and encourage each other. No person can to do it all alone. There is no shame in asking for help from a friend, a family member or a professional. This is more a sign of strength than weakness.

Learn from your Mistakes

I asked myself what I needed to learn from the breakup of my first marriage. Who would want to repeat the same mistakes again? This takes some deep soul searching. It can feel scary to go within but it is the only way to get beyond that which is holding us back from living the best lives we can. Each of us needs to take responsibility for our part in the relationship.

Would you rather smile or Frown?

You are likely angry at your spouse. Probably with good reason. But holding on this is not in your best interest. It takes a lot of energy to stay angry.  Here is something to try. Frown for a moment and notice all the muscles you use and how it feels and compare it with it how it feels to smile. I would rather smile.

Forgiveness is about Liberation

Forgiveness is not about saying to your spouse it is okay how you have hurt me. It is not about forgetting what they did to you.  It is about getting to place where those memories no longer trigger you and/or negatively impact future relationships.

Give yourself the Gift of Self Reflection

The best gift you can give yourself is time to slow down and really notice what is going on inside your body, emotions and thoughts. Avoiding these will only make them come back stronger at a time you least expect.

Pamper Yourself

As you go through your breakup take time to focus on your own needs. Go get a massage, they are a great way to connect to our body and it feels so good after the treatment. Spend time with friends and family you enjoy being with. Try some form of meditation to quiet your mind. This might be doing something you love such as walking, running, gardening, ceramics, painting or whatever delights you.

You are Worth It

Most of all as you move through this time of transition into a happier life do not be afraid to seek help. Whether it be a friend, family member, spiritual leader or professional there are people who want to help you.

You are worth it! Go and make the best of your life!  You have many cheering you on.

 

Roland Legge offers coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, families and executives to help them to be the best they can be. For more information please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or you can email Roland at rolandlegge@relconsultants.com