Nine Reasons You Are Not Crazy Even If You Think You Are

Stressed business woman is going crazyYou live a busy life. There is so much demanded of you. You are expected to get the kids ready for school everyday. Then there are the after-school activities that take up many of your evenings. You have ageing parents and they need a lot of your time.  Every weekday you are expected at work to give it your all. You have a colleague at work who makes life miserable for you. Then there is all the financial stress. You hate being in debt, but to afford the house you live in you had to take out a large mortgage.  No wonder you are feeling stressed and crazy!

No matter the type of stresses you face in your life there are healthier ways to respond.  Your body, emotions and thoughts are there to help you to live your lives well. They let you know when you are trying to do too much. They let you know when you have become unbalanced. They let you know when you need to make changes in your lives for your well being.

Not only do our bodies, emotions and thoughts let you know when you are in trouble but they help you to find meaning, purpose and joy in life. They show you where your passions and gifts are. They lead you on a path to self enquiry. They help you to stay healthy. When all your channels are open life flows more easily.

In this article, I am going to describe nine ways your anxiety and feelings of craziness are waking you up to finding a more happy and meaningful life. The sensations, emotions and thoughts you are having are only proving how human you are.

1. Your body is your friend! All the discomfort you are feeling is your body calling you to attention. Your body communicates with you through all the sensations you experience such as an upset stomach, tension in your shoulders, relaxed muscles and/or a sensation of energy (vitality) moving around your whole body. You will feel a sense of relief every time you listen to your internal wisdom.

2. Your heart is your path to intimacy with self and others. If your heart is feeling tender and hurt it is calling for your attention. Your heart needs to be heard. When you risk really feeling what is going on with your emotions you will be rewarded with a peace within you that nothing else can provide. A tender heart may lead to feelings of craziness, but it is more importantly a sign of your humanity and a guide for your soul.

3. Does your mind feel out of control? You might be suffering with monkey mind. Your mind has most likely got caught up with your ego going to great extremes to trying to protect you. It may feel like a hurricane is blowing through you. This can be unsettling.

But it is not proof you are going crazy. It is a reminder to find some sort of practice to     quiet your mind. We all need our egos to survive, but often our ego’s get in our way           limiting us in how we respond to life. You have opportunities coming up in your life       that will surprise you and delight you!

4. Your discomfort is calling you to risk new ways of being. We would never grow emotionally and spiritually unless we experienced some sort of struggle, discomfort and/or pain.

Most of us grow the most during times of distress in our life. It motivates us to seek         the help we need. It motivates us to take risk trying out new ways of being that                 maybe a few weeks ago felt too overwhelming.

5. The muscles in our body show us when we are happy, when we are relaxed, when we are upset, when we are angry, and when we are frustrated. Often are muscles are more honest about what is going on inside us than what are head convinces us to think.

Unless we are sick are the muscles don’t lie. So, paying attention to the sensations of         our muscles give us great wisdom into what is really going on inside us. Do you have       monkey mind?

6. Sleepless nights are not pleasant especially when they continue for days. Your inner self is probably trying desperately to control everything in your life. The truth is that there is much in your life that you can not control.

It is learning to know the difference between what you can change and what you               can not. You may be feeling more and more crazy with little sleep and yet the                       struggle is calling you back to balance.

7. Are you having a hard time getting out of bed? Your body is likely craving more sleep. What else might your body be craving? Do you need more exercise? Do you need to eat healthier? How about a holiday?

Your wise body is trying to tell you to care better for your self. Have you been                     checked out by your doctor lately? If you pay attention your body it will let you                   know when you are overdoing it.

8. On those days, you are feeling too embarrassed to be among friends, colleagues, and/or family because you worry that others will think you are crazy; take a deep breath. The good news is that you are no crazier than anyone else.

Part of being human is the assumption we make that no other person could                       understand what we are going through.  The truth is that we are not alone. Other               people have suffered in the same way we have. Your true friends will accept you for         who you are.

9. If you are crazy you would not know that you are. The good news is that you are a beautiful person having very ordinary and yet extraordinary experiences. You can be thankful for the wisdom that comes from your bodies, emotions and thoughts and it is available to you everyday. This wisdom can guide you to healthier and happier living making the world a better place one person at a time. Honor yourself by listening to your inner world.

Beautiful young woman smilingYou have nothing to be ashamed of. If you were not feeling all that you are then you would have good reason to worry.

The good news is that you are a human being on a journey towards healing and wholeness.  When our three channels are open body, emotions and thoughts we have all we need to make our way in your world. The sensations, emotions, and thoughts are like sign posts on the highway giving us direction, pointing to places of beauty, places of importance, warning us of dangers, showing us places of interest and places to avoid.

Our anxiety are signs that we are being nudged to be more present so we can pay attention to the wisdom within us. Feelings of craziness are merely a sign that you are alive and that your internal self is calling upon you to make change in your life.

Take the risk to experience all of you both inward and outward. It takes some time to get used to being on this journey, but it is well worth the effort.  You will find an inner peace that nothing else can offer. Life will still have its struggles but it will go more smoothly and feel less overwhelming.

Roland Legge offers life coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, families and executives to help them to be the best they can be. For more information please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or book your appointment online at   https://www.relconsultants.com/calendar/ .  Please click on “Discovery Call”.

 

Nine Signs that your Relationship is Over

Unhappy stressed young couple having an argument

Relationships are Complex

Intimate relationships are complex. At their best they are meaningful, encouraging and beautiful and at their worst they destroy lives. All relationships go through ups and downs.

The Joy is Gone

But when the joy of being together is no longer there we ether need to make changes or end the relationship. I am writing to you who have tried everything to save your relationship, but nothing seems to be changing.

Faithful you have Been

You have worked so hard to save your relationship! Your family and friends have been after you to leave your partner. But you took your vows seriously and did everything you could to save it.

It is hard to let Go

It is hard to let go. It feels overwhelming to envision life on your own whether the relationship has been long or short, especially if you have children. You feel like a failure because you are breaking a promise. You never imagined you would be the one to end the relationship.

You feel Alone

You feel alone and fear it will be worse when you are separated. You wonder how it will impact the friendships you have developed as a couple. You wonder how it will impact your children. You ask yourself is this the best decision for my children.

The Promise I Made

Most of us go into marriages with the expectation they will be life long. Sadly there are still religious groups that condemn people who leave marriages. If you have done your best to save your marriage, if there was something good to save, you have nothing to be ashamed of. But there comes the moment when it is time to let go so you can find some joy in your life again.

The Nine Signs

Here are nine signs that suggest it may be time to end your relationship:

Walking on Egg Shells

  1. You feel like you are walking on egg shells. You are always fighting and/or being given the silent treatment. You haven’t had a good sleep in weeks. The stress is taking a toll on you. Friends, family and colleagues keep asking you what is wrong. You are too embarrassed to tell the people in your life.

 

My Children are Acting Out

  1. Your children are acting out even though you have tried so hard to prevent the children from knowing that you are having relationship problems. You keep reassuring them even though you know you are lying.

 

What more is there to Read?

  1. You have read so many books on relationships, but nothing seems to be working. Your spouse isn’t interested and thinks all these books are silly. He thinks there is not a problem. He says this is how it was it was with his parents. He keeps telling me just to suck it up. This makes me cry even more.

 

It is all in your Head

  1. You have been after her to go for counselling. She keeps telling you it is all in your head. You still go but no matter what you try nothing seems to improve. The stronger you get the more you realize that you can’t not live with this stress much longer.

 

Your Friends are Worried

  1. Your best friend tells you over and over that you have a place to come whenever you decide to leave. They tell you how concerned they are for your wellbeing. They tell you how much they hate seeing you suffer. They keep reminding me that you are not a failure. You are gradually getting to believe her.

 

Pushed Beyond Limits

 

  1. You are pushed beyond your limits. He goes off and buys the latest Quad which we can not afford. You are getting more and more worried that you are going to have difficulty in paying bills. He wants to go on a big trip this summer. You keep telling him that you can not afford it.

 

My Spouse is in Denial

  1. You would not call your spouse an alcoholic, but you have always been concerned that they drink too much at times. You notice that she is becoming more and more irritated the more she drinks. You ask her to stop and get help but she won’t listen.

 

I am always Sick

  1. You are getting sick far too often. You have terrible headaches! Your stomach is upset. You are feeling depressed. You are at your wits end. Suddenly the thought you had avoided of leaving is starting to feel like a good idea.

 

Why Me?

  1. You have tried so hard to ignore your intuition. You had never thought you would be the one to end the relationship. You are discovering strength and courage within yourself to make the break. It still feels overwhelming but you know that you will make it through it with the help of friends, family and professionals.

Are you Ready for the Big Decision?

Are you at the breaking point? Usually something will happen that will make you question whether it is worth trying to save your relationship. If you can relate to a half or more of the nine points you may be ready to make that big decision.

What a Relief

Once you make the decision to leave it feels like a load has come off your back. You call your best friend to tell them your decision. You start the process to leave deciding that you are going to write a letter to your spouse explaining your reasons for leaving and that you will be find a lawyer and/or mediator to begin the formal separation process.

There is Hope

You surround yourself with all those you need to walk through this process. You feel hopeful for the first time in a long time. You know deep within you that you are making the best decision.

 

Roland Legge offers coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, families and executives to help them to be the best they can be. For more information please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or you can email Roland at rolandlegge@relconsultants.com

 

 

Being Your Best Self

pexels-photo-347988Wholeness and Relationship

Have you ever referred to your partner as your better half? Does this accurately describe who you are? It does not describe me. You know you are not half a person!  You are a whole human being. When two people come together it takes two whole people to make a healthy relationship. Sadly, two many of do not bring our whole selves to our relationship because we are not aware of what we are capable of being.  In this article, I seek to explore three ways to get in touch with our best self.

Wisdom of the Body

Wisdom

Your body is full of wisdom. One way you can learn more about yourself and world is through paying attention to your body. You have most likely experienced a gut feeling about something happening or about to happen in your life.  Your body will let you know about whether a path in life is the best for you.  If you are not sure slow down and take some time to ground yourself through some form of meditation that will quiet your mind, open your heart and help you to focus on your body.

Paying attention

You might a feel muscles tightening up in your gut, chest, throat or hands. Each of us have certain parts of our body that are more susceptible to stress in our life. What is that for you?  Maybe your shoulders feel like they are trying to hold up the world. Take a deep breath, breathing into the parts of your body that are feeling uncomfortable and as you blow out notice the stress leaving your body.

It feels like I am going crazy

I know this can feel overwhelming at first because of sensations, emotions and thought that have been repressed for years. It might even feel like you are going crazy but I assure you, you are not! Try to be gentle with yourself. Allowing and accepting these intense sensations, emotion and thoughts takes time. The only way is to go through it. Just remember it is best to not do this alone. Find a close friend, family member or professional you can be honest with.

Honesty

Over time you will get to know the difference between what you are frightened of trying and that which is not in your highest interest.  Have you experienced times in your life when you felt ready to try something new in your life and yet feel a little scared? I have had those times and yet somehow, I new that what I was choosing to do whether that be school, a new job or a new relationship that it was in my best interest. I have also experienced times when my body has made it clear that I need to avoid a particular, path. I do well when I pay attention to my body.

Practice

Make a practice of daily of checking in with your body to discover what wisdom it can offer you. The more you do it the easier it will be. You will be so thankful for the wisdom of your body. Your body will help you to discover your higher self.

Wisdom of the Heart

Are you in touch with your emotions?

Are you an emotional person?  How easy do you find it to get in touch with your emotions?   Is it easy for you to cry? Does this embarrass you? You have nothing to be ashamed of! It is gift to have a heart that is open, unless your over sensitivity is getting in the way of you living your life. It is all about balance.

Acceptance

As you move through life it is learning to accept where we are at, in each moment of life.  This is so we do not get stuck in our own insecurity. When our heart is open, we have the capacity to be gentle and forgiving of ourselves. When we can forgive, ourselves we can forgive others.

Heart Truth

Your heart is a window into your inner world. Does it feel open?  If your chest is feeling warm with energy moving around, your heart is open.   If it is feeling cold and dead then you are shut off from this great wisdom. It might feel like you are short circuiting. There is no shame in this. It just means that your heart shut down to help you to survive. But in the long run you will miss so much in life if you allow it to stay closed. How familiar are you with this experience?

Being true to your Heart

Your heart energy is there and just waiting for you to create an environment where it can risk expressing itself. When our hearts are open we not only feel connected to ourselves but also to those around us.

Opening our heart is risky business because we can get hurt or unintentionally hurt another person. But the gift of truly loving another person and being loved out weighs any downside of being hurt. All aspects of the heart are part of the human condition. They are neither good or bad. They simply are.

Connection to the whole World

You are connected to the whole earth and its inhabitants through your heart. We can feel the joy and pain in the people we meet besides our own. An open heart helps us to be open to the needs of others while still caring for ourselves. Our heart reminds us of our humanity repeatedly.

Playing and Working Together

With an open heart, we can find ways of working and playing together in relationship that is beneficial for both. It opens the door for us to show our love for the people in our life through encouraging them to be all they can be.  We no longer get confused thinking we want the best for our partner when we really are doing it out of our own insecurity.  Our open hearts creates space for you to be your best self.

Wisdom of the Head

Is your head your enemy?

Does your head feel like it is your enemy sometimes? If you feel this way, remember you have the capacity to befriend it.

Releasing my mind from the chatter

When you quiet your mind, you have access to the wisdom of our head. But you ask, how do I quiet my mind. Most of us find it hard to slow the chatter in our heads. When we have, conversations going on in our heads it is hard for us to pay attention to what is going on in the moment. Most of us can not imagine a quiet mind because we can never remember a time when our mind was calm.

Good News

The good news is that you can quiet your mind with practice. There are many ways to do this from meditation, listening to music, singing, creating art and much more.  This does not mean that you get to the point of emptying your thoughts, but to a place where you do not get stuck in your fears and insecurities.

Just Knowing

Have you ever just woken up one morning and new what you needed to do. You somehow just know this is the next step you need to take. Trust this wisdom, because it is a gift to be embraced. Do not bother trying to justify your decision. If you know it is the write thing to do go for it. I have experienced breakthroughs like this when I am so tired my mind can no longer can try to control things. What has been your experience?

On the path to transforming Relationships

Synergy in Three

When your three energy centers are in harmony with each other you will be on the path to being your best self; a blessing to yourself and those you choose to be in relationship with you. Life will still have its challenges, but there will be a gentler flow and energy because you will be present in each moment to make the best decisions for you and those you love.

Freedom to be me

You will attract people with the same level of health. Relationships will no longer be a struggle because you are being fully open to yourself and your partner. There will no longer be manipulation by ether party. Each of you will be honest and want to make choices that will be beneficial to you both.

Joy in being with your own company

But even in times when you find yourself single you will be able to enjoy this time in life whether it short term or permanent because you will find ways to meet your own needs. You will have the blessing of great friendships that will bring out the best in you.

Finding your soulmate

If you do find your soulmate, there will be a synergy that creates the best type of relationship that grows from two healthy people. When two people come together in mutual love and respect the two create something even greater than two people could do individually.  They create a beautiful mosaic that not only enhances, both, but the whole world.

Roland Legge is a coach and founder of REL Consultants offering to help individuals, couples, families and executives to discover the wisdom that is already within them. Call Roland today at 1 306 620-7478 to arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call or email him at rolandlegge@relconsultants.com for a private discussion about how he can help.

Free to be our “True” Christ Selves

Sermon – April 6th 2014

Lent V (Year A)

By Roland Legge

Ezekiel 37:1-14

John 11:1-45

 

 

We have all felt down in the dumps at some time in our lives. Some of us have experienced depression for short periods of time, while others have struggled with it throughout their lives.  Many people have found themselves unemployed, living with illness, broken marriages, and deaths in the family which sucks the life out of them. Minorities find themselves struggling to overcome racism, and bigotry. Gay, Lesbian, Transgendered and Bi-Sexual people live with the threat of losing their jobs, harassment and even death. It is at times like this, we can all relate to Ezekiel’s vision of the “dry bones”.  Where have you experienced dry bones in your life?

 

Ezekiel and his contemporaries were living in exile.  They had lost their land, homes, jobs, their national identity and even their faith.  They were very depressed. They lost much of their faith because they had been promised by God, in the story of the Exodus, to live in the Promised Land for the rest of their lives.   Now they were forced back into living in the wilderness. Many of them felt abandoned by God. When have you felt abandoned by God?

 

Ezekiel finds the courage and faith to demand that these dry bones, his community of refugees, to come back to life.  In our Gospel reading Jesus is also calling on his community to find new life through the story of raising Lazarus from the dead.

 

Jesus and Ezekiel were calling their people into transformative ministries that would show us the way to the Kin-dome of God.  Transformation can only happen when are able to fully let go of all that is holding us back.  The story of Lazarus being raised from the dead was told to help us prepare for Jesus resurrection which is the key to all us finding new life and hope.

 

In order to be transformed we all need something to shake us to the core.  Something that will open our hearts and minds to seeing the world as it really is and how we have truly been part of it.  Something that will break down all the walls around ourselves that have been built up to protect us from some threat in the past that is no longer serving us.

 

I wonder how Lazarus resuscitation from the dead changed his life.  It must have shook him up. I would like to think that it inspired him even more to be a faithful follower of Jesus even if it meant risking his life.  How would it have changed your life?

 

For the followers of Jesus, it was his death and resurrection that really shook them up.  In the days between his death and resurrection many of his disciples were just about ready to give up.  Yet once they realized that Jesus was with them in a new way, they found courage in themselves they never knew they had.  If you were in their shoe, would the resurrection of Jesus shake you up? Think of a time when you found courage to face something that had been haunting you for a long time.

 

We all need to be shook up at different times in our lives.  It is so tempting to stay with the devil we do know than the devil we don’t know.  God through prophets like Ezekiel and Jesus call upon to see beyond our fear and lack of vision into something new and awesome.

As I have told you before the end of my first marriage was a difficult and transformative time in my life.  If it wasn’t for my first wife blowing up just after our 5th wedding anniversary because I had given her the wrong color of roses and the wrong number I might have stayed in that unhealthy relationship much longer.  I suddenly realized that I needed to make a dramatic change in my life and stand up to her.  Up to then I was living a world of make believe always thinking I could fix my wife into treating me well.  Thanks to this dramatic wakeup call I have become a much healthier person.  What have been those wake up experiences for you?

 

Can you imagine living in Rwanda during the time of the Genocide?  The people of Rwanda and the world had a huge wake up call.  Life as they knew it had to change.  The Hutu’s and Tutsis needed to learn to forgive each other and begin to work together again.  This was going to be a very difficult tasks because of the horrific violence.

 

The world also woke up to the reality of how imperialism can destroy a nation well after the occupiers had left.  Janet L Parker while visiting Rwanda on behalf of the World Council of Churches learned what had started this hatred between the two tribe.  She says:

Listening to our hosts, we learned that the animosity between the Hutus and the Tutsis began during the colonial era, when the minority Tutsis were selected by the Belgians to rule over the majority Hutu. The colonizers, including priests, actively cultivated a mythology of Tutsi superiority. Tom Ndahiro of the Rwandan Human Rights Commission told us that the roots of the genocide began with verbal “murder” after the Hutus gained control following independence. Tutsis were called inyenzi—cockroaches—for years before 1994, and labeled “the enemy within.” A genocidal ideology is progressive, slipping in under people’s defenses, inflaming grudges, arousing paranoia, and relying on rewards and punishment to motivate participation in genocide. We heard stories of the complete breakdown of human civilization.

Found at Sojo.net:   http://sojo.net/preaching-the-word/can-these-bones-live?parent=41105  Written by Janet L Parker

 

 

This shake up has challenged the people of Rwanda to truly share power with all people of their country.  Churches began to come alive again.  Relationships are being re-built between Hutus and Tutsis.  Slowly it is becoming more important to identify as a Rwandan rather than the tribe you came from.  The people of Rwanda have shown great faith by coming back together and working hard at creating a just and compassionate country.

 

But has the world been changed.  People working in the United Nations and many NGO’s have seen the light and hold our governments to account such as Desmond Tutu and Romeo Dallaire.  Yet it seems that the powers in the world particularly, the United States, Canada, Russia, China and the European Economic Union only seem concerned if it is directly affecting their economic/ political interest.  Thousands and thousands of people are killed in Syria and the world community doesn’t seem willing to do much about it.  Violence continues to infect the Sudan and the world doesn’t seem to care.  Thousands of people are continuing to die from HIV/AIDS even though we can now manage this disease.  What horrific event will it take for the world to wake up?

 

God will continue to use our mistakes to get our attention, if only we would finally pay attention.  Do you have a bad habit?  What would it take to change your behaviour?

 

As we approach Easter let us remember the wisdom of the Cross.  When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable even if God’s love results in our physical death humanity is changed for the better.  When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable even when the love of God forces us to face some of our own demons we are changed. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable even if it forces us to free ourselves from ego, our false selves, we discover our Christ selves or true selves.  When we find our Christ self we become free to live out how the Spirit desires us to live loving, generous, kind, wise, strong and courageous lives.

 

Go and be your Christ self.  Go and make a difference.  Go and help bring the Earth back into harmony.

 

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