What Are the Enneagram Tritypes and Why Are They Important?

Are you hungry for greater satisfaction, purpose, happiness, and ease in your life? The Enneagram can help you to enhance your life. Enneagram tritypes help you to see the similarities and differences between the nine types.  You will find the … Continue reading

The Enneagram Type Most Likely to Have Anxiety and How to Heal from It

The Enneagram Type that is most likely to have anxiety is called The Loyalist, and its also known as Type Six.

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If you are a type six personality, this is what you may experience:

·        You have a hard time trusting yourself

·        You have a tendency to ask others for advice

·        You have a tendency to worry about things that are unlikely to happen

·        You experience anxiety

·        You quickly get caught up in fear

·        You like to fix things before they become a problem

·        You want to keep yourself and those you love safe

·        You like everyone to follow the rules

·        As the names suggests you are loyal to those you love and work with

·        You love it when everyone is working well together

·        Some Loyalists deal with their anxiety internally, while others push against their fears.

All people experience stress, and as we have all types in us.  The suggestions I am about to offer will be helpful for anyone.

Here are eleven ways to reduce anxiety:

1.     Meditation:

Type six personalities are most likely to have anxiety. People with anxiety have overactive minds that need quieting down. People who identify as Loyalist tend to focus more on the past and the future than the present.

Your goal is to learn to live in the moment with all your inner wisdom available to you. When you become free from the past and future, the world no longer feels so scary.

Meditation takes you into the present. There is no wrong or right way to meditate. You can turn a walk or gardening into a time of meditation. Any activity that helps you to quiet your mind will help you to relax.

There are Apps such as “Insight Timer” that is available at both the App Store and Google Play.

Use this reflective time to notice what is going on in your body, in your emotions, and in your mind. Just allow yourself to be present with what you are experiencing without trying to do anything about it.

The more you are able to stay with your sensations, emotions and thoughts the less you will react. The less you react, the more clearly you will be able to make important decisions for yourself.

2.     Breathing:

If you are not breathing, you are dead. This is true. Yes, it doesn’t take any thought to breathe. Yet, when we do this with intention we can become more relaxed and home in our bodies.

The more anxious we get, the more and more we breathe shallowly. When you are not breathing deeply, you are no longer present in your body.

Notice this the next time you get anxious. Just with a minute of intentional deep breathing can bring you back into your body.

The wonderful thing is that you can do this anywhere without others even knowing you are doing it.

All you need to do is to breathe in slowly and slowly let it out. You can do this as many times a day as you need to. Please don’t overdo this breathing as it can cause you to hyperventilate.

This should help you to relax. If it is making you worse you are probably trying too hard.

3.     Journaling

If you are a type six, you are most likely to have anxiety. Your mind can quickly get out of control. It gets out of control when you focus on things you have no power over. Writing out your fears can help you to let go of them.You can brainstorm onto paper all the things you are worried about. This in itself can help you to quiet your mind.

The next step is to ask yourself if these fears have any validity to them. What is true? What is the kernel of truth? What can you let go of?

For example, you may be worried about your annual job review. Your mind might be getting the best of you, worrying about all sorts of scenarios that are unlikely to happen.

As you calm down with breathing, ask yourself what the kernel of truth is. Maybe it is that your job is important to you.  The rest are lies. Your experience at work will probably tell you that you have nothing to worry about.

If the worst-case scenario of being fired comes true, will the world end?  The world is not going to end. You will go through a challenging time, but you will find a new job. In the end, all will be well.

 

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4.     Ritual:

Ritual can help you to find inner peace. Ritual, helps you to remember that you are part of something more significant.  These daily, weekly, monthly or yearly routines help you to remember that you have a place in this world.

Ritual does not have to be religious. Ritual can include sitting down and having a cup of-of coffee before you go to work. The ritual can involve sitting down with your family for supper every night.  Ritual can acknowledge significant occasions in our life such as birth, adolescence, becoming an adult, leaving home, the first job, getting married, having children, college, retirement, and death.

Ritual helps you to know that you are on a journey and you are not alone. It reminds you that you have worth. It tells you that you have a purpose in the world.  It reminds you that you have an essential role to play.

5.     Naming Your Inner Critic:

You have an inner critic. Any person with an active inner-critic is most like to have anxiety.  It is the part of your ego that tries to keep you safe. You could not have survived in your early years of life without it.

It is that negative voice within you that is putting you or others down. It is the ego trying to keep you to what it knows.

When you are stuck in the world of your inner critic, life is going to be very stressful. It limits your response to life and leads you to act in ways that are no longer healthy for you.

For us to get healthier, you need to start becoming aware of how you respond to stress in life. There are many tools available to you to help you become conscious of how you react to the ups and downs of life.

I recommend to you the Enneagram Personality system. It shows you what to watch out for and gives you tools to help you become more attuned to your body, emotions, and mind.

With time and practice, you will catch yourself in the act. What I mean is you will start to notice when you are acting out an old pattern that you know longer want to do.

You will eventually get to the point where you will become aware just before you were going to do it and will then have the opportunity to act in new ways.

6.     Be your self:

You are in charge of your own life. When you are online with your three energy centers, you will know how you are meant to live your life.

Your body will let you know what it needs to be healthy. Your heart will let you know how you are to make a difference in the world. Your mind will help you to make your life what you want it to be.

To be yourself you need to listen to the wisdom within you. You will inwardly know the direction you need to go.

Don’t worry what others think of you. If you are on the right path just let go of all the expectations family and friends have of you. In the end, they will respect you for the choices you have made.

7.     Seek community and support:

You need people in your life to be healthy. Being real with other can help us to be more at peace.

Seek out friends and family you can trust. Let them know what is going on with you. You can do the same for them. Just speaking what you are experiencing can reduce anxiety significantly.

Go and enjoy activities with friends and family. Having some fun is one of the best ways to overcome anxiety. Find a friend who helps you to laugh.  Laughing is therapeutic.Sometimes you will need to get professional help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. This is a sign of strength and not weakness.

There are many counselors, coaches and healing practitioners out there. Ask friends and family for suggestions. When you go to your first session ask questions to help you discern if they are the right match for you.

 

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8.     Celebrate Life:

You are given a short time on the planet earth. Use your time for the best.

What do you want to achieve in life? What experiences do you want to have? Don’t keep putting these off. If you really want to do something whether that is going on a trip, learning something new and/or going back to school, make it happen.

Figure out a way to make your dreams a reality. Don’t be afraid to spend money on your self if that investment will help you to do what you have been called to do.

Make sure you take time to play. If you don’t have children in your immediate family find someone else’s children who can teach you to play again.

Play music, dance, make art, write, garden, cook, enjoy good food and sing. Do this until your heart is overflowing with joy!

9.     Love Your Self:

Loving yourself is critical to your wellbeing! There is a big difference between being self-righteous and loving yourself. When you are self-righteous, you are only concerned about yourself. When you love yourself, this is not just for you, but it is also for your friends and family.

A happy, healthy you is the best gift you can give to the world. When you are at your best, you bring your best self to the world.

You love yourself by taking care of your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs. What do you need to do more of? What do you need to do less of?

10.You don’t need to be fixed:

You are perfect just the way you are.

Some of us are more likely to have anxiety. This is part of the human condition.

Instead of finding ways to fix yourself, learn to accept yourself just as you are.  Don’t try to hide the emotions, sensations, and thoughts that make you feel uncomfortable.

Allow the sensations and emotions to surface and just be with them. With intentional deep breathing the emotions, sensations, and thoughts become less and less overwhelming.

11.It doesn’t have to be this way!

You may be a person that is more likely to be anxious. All of us face anxiety at some time in our lives.  But the good news is that we don’t need to allow anxiety to continue interfering with your life.

If you identify with type six, the Loyalist, you are more likely to experience anxiety. Yet no matter what type we may identify with being anxious is part of the human condition.

If you work through these eleven suggestions, you will be able to tame your anxiety.

There is no magic solution. Healing from anxiety is a long-term process. It may never totally disappear, but you will experience more joy and ease in your life the more you come to terms with it.

You will find some of these suggestions more helpful for you than others. Explore these activities and see what works best for you.

No matter what happens to remember you are not alone. You have friends and family to help you. When you need more help, there are psychiatrist, counselors, coaches and other healing practitioners.

 

Roland Legge offers life/executive coaching and Enneagram workshops through REL Consultants.  For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or book your appointment online    Please click on “Discovery Call.”

 

Originally Published on the REL Consultants Blog

Nine Incredible Valid Reasons Life Transitions are Hard By Roland Legge

Life is full of surprises!  What was your first significant change? It was probably your birth into the world.

Life transitions are hard. The moment, you arrive in the world you experience your first significant change.  It must be a shock to all the senses being forced out into this alien world. The process of birth is just the beginning of your adventure.

Life transitions include:

 

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Birth:

Can you imagine being in the comfort and safety of your mother’s womb? It is nice and warm. With all your needs met, you are secure. Then imagine suddenly without warning being pushed out into a foreign world.

For the first time in your life, separated from your mother you are alone. Can you imagine the sense of abandonment you felt? You have to cry to get your needs met.

If you could remember this part of your life, it might leave you with some unsettling dreams. Coming into the world Is a massive change. Any change takes a period of adjustment whether or not you label the transition as good or bad.

It might be like being kidnapped and thrown out of a plane with a parachute into a jungle where you have no idea where you are. How would you be feeling?

 

Childhood years:

How much of your early years do you remember?  Some of what you remember may come from stories that your parents told you. Now imagine what it was like for you to learn to walk? What was it like to learn to ride a two-wheeler bike? What do you remember?

You are learning to become more independent. These are never easy years. Imagine how many times you fell over before you were able to walk on your own. Learning to walk, is like most new things you learn to do, takes a lot of practice.

Do you remember learning to ride a two-wheeler bike? Did you first start with learners wheels?  How many scrapes did you have before you were able to ride down the street without falling off the bike? Give your child self-lots of appreciation for all the risks they took to take their place in the world. Learning new skills is not easy!

 

Teen Years:

Take a moment to reflect on all physical, social, emotional and hormonal changes that happen during these exciting years. Your body changes so quickly it can be confusing for you to know how to behave.

Sexual desire in you comes to life! You enjoy these new feelings, and yet they baffle you. You pick up from the adults in your life that this is something to feel ashamed.  You are mixed up. How can something that feels so good be so wrong?

You might even feel growing pains in your bones because you are changing so fast. You are not quite sure if you are still a child or an adult.

Peer pressure at school can be challenging. You want to be cool with your mates.

Life transitions are hard. If you are not one of the cool kids, you can feel very isolated. You can feel invisible. Bullies can make your life difficult. Anxiety can overtake your life because you feel like there is something wrong with you.

 

Moving away from home:

Do you remember moving away from home for the first time? It probably is one of the most exciting times in your life? Yet, leaving the safety of home is perhaps one of the most stressful times in your life.

For the first time, you have to take care of your own needs. You need to wash your own clothes. You need to cook your own meals. You have to manage your own schedule. Even if this feels good, change of this magnitude takes a lot of energy.

If you moved to another city, there is the stress of learning to get around a new place. Where do I need to go to get groceries? How are you going to get around?

Then there is the stress of money. When you lived at home, your parents took care of most of your needs. You will have to learn to budget. You might even need to find some part-time work to help you to make ends meet.

 

Marriage:

Marriage is one of the most significant decisions you will make in your life. Once you get past the falling in love stage where everything seems exciting; the success of your marriage will depend on your commitment to growing individually and as a couple.

Your relationship will find strength, depending on how well you are able to know your own needs, show a willingness to compromise, seek to bring out the best in each other and communicate well. Communication is probably one of the most significant challenges you will face.

It takes time to get used to living with someone else. You need time to find your new rhythm as a couple. You will need to find ways that honor the needs of both of you. You will need to experiment until you find a balance that works for you both.

One of the many challenges of marriage is that you get to see each other in the worst and best of times. You get to experience each other’s peculiarities. Maybe the things that you once thought to be amusing is now annoying.

Do you like conflict? I am guessing you don’t. There is guaranteed to be conflict in your relationship. Conflict happens when there are two people with different opinions. You as a couple need to find a way to talk so you can see solutions that will work for you both. Trying to impose your point of view may fix things for the short time, but it will eventually backfire when the person who was imposed on pushes back.

 

Having children:

If you think getting married is complicated, then having children is even more challenging. When a child arrives into your life your world dramatically changes. It is your child/children who are the center of your attention.

There will be a time when you get little sleep. You will no longer be able to do as you please. If you want to have a date you need to find someone to care for your child or children.  Your children will be on your mind for the rest of your life no matter what they do good or bad.

If you haven’t had any conflict about the division of labor in your family having children will likely raise it. Hopefully, you have thought about it before the child arrives. Are you going to equally share the work including child care, cooking, cleaning, shopping, outdoor work and more?

Sharing the labor doesn’t mean you have to divide all tasks in half. But you need to come to an agreement that is fair to both parties.  Watch out that the women don’t take on more than her fair share.

Life transitions are hard. Make sure you take time to care for yourself, besides caring for your children and partner. A healthy you is the best gift you can give to the family.

 

Divorce:

There is no such thing as an easy divorce. Even the most respectful ones take a lot of energy. There is nothing shameful about getting divorced. I hope you would have tried to resolve the issues before you made the final decision.

Sometimes your relationship needs to come to an end for many reasons from the loss of trust, affairs, domestic violence and sometimes people just grow apart.

Divorce impacts the relationships you have with the friends and family you shared with your partner. Depending on how well the relationship ends will determine who you are able to stay in touch with.

Divorce impacts your children. No matter how well you do it, the children’s lives are going to be changed forever. If you are your partner were not getting along,  the divorce will still be better for the children.

All your routines get changed. Tasks you used to share you have to do yourself. There is no one to ask about your day. There is no one to share something important that took place at work or at home. Money can be a problem if you are the one that stayed at home with the kids or you had the lowest paying of the two or more jobs.

During times of divorce, your emotions will be up and down. There will be days when you will find it hard to get out of bed. One moment you will be crying, the next laughing and the subsequent angry. It is like being on an emotional roller coaster.

 

Death of loved ones:

Grieving takes a lot of energy. When someone that is close to us dies, it is never easy. It especially tricky when a person dies young from disease, accident, murder and/or suicide.  Even when a person dies after a beautiful long life, we all must go through grief.

There is no way around grief. The only way is to go through it. It can take up to a year to go through the cycles of loss. Our lives will never be the same, but you will find a way to move ahead in life. Here is the process we go through, not always in this order:

·         Denial

·         Anger

·         Depression

·         Bargaining

·         Acceptance

You may be tired. You may be moody. You may be angry. You may have a hard time accepting what has happened.

Give yourself lots of time to move through this. This is not a time to make big decisions. Find friends, religious leaders, counselors and coaches to help you to explore these intense feelings. Grieving is hard work but so worthwhile.

 

Retirement:

Retirement is all about transition. Do you know what you are going to do when you retire? You might decide to start your own business and work, only, when you want. There may be organizations that you have always wanted to volunteer for and have never had the time.

If you are one of the people who has spent the majority of their working life focussed on their job, retirement could be a very stressful time. You may feel a loss of identity. You might feel depressed. So it is better for you to start volunteering and finding other interests before you retire.

You are likely to have more time with your spouse. This may be great, but you may find your spouse driving you crazy. Does it feel like they are under your feet too often? Each of you will want to discover your own interests so that each of you has time apart.  You will also have different experiences to share with each other.

You might find it challenging to organize your day now that you are retired. There is no longer any requirement for you to be at work at a particular time. You might want to set a regular schedule for yourself each week. Like when you are going to get up?  What are you going to do?

It is at these times of significant changer in our lives we are more likely to face depression and other mental health issues. If you are getting down don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Give yourself time to get used to your new life. Remember life transitions are hard. Make the best of this season by seeing this as an opportunity to re-focus on what is really important to you.

 

Your life is full of transitions. No matter what change you are going through it takes time and energy to make the adjustments.

You may be one of many who do not realize the energy it takes to go through:

·         Birth

·         Childhood

·         Teen years

·         Moving away from Home

·         Marriage

·         Children

·         Divorce

·         Death of Loved Ones

·         Retirement

 

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Life transitions are hard! So during these times of change, you may feel like you are going crazy. I assure you, you are not going crazy.  The only way to get through these times of change is to fully experience the ups and downs that your body, heart, and mind will take you through.

Give yourself space to make your ways through these vulnerable times. Let others know what you are experiencing. Allow yourself more time to sleep. Eat well. Enjoy time with good friends and family. Cry when you need to. Laugh. Seek support when you are feeling alone.

Congratulations, you have made it this far in life. You have been through a lot!

You have become a stronger and more compassionate person through all of your life experiences.  You are the amazing person you are because of all the ups and downs you have faced.  Go and celebrate each moment of life. Be kind to yourself, with gentleness, when you are facing difficult times and truly celebrate the good times.

Roland Legge offers presence based life coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, and organizations to help them to be the best they can be. For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or book your appointment online at   https://www.relconsultants.com/coach-roland-legge  Please click on “Discovery Call.”

 

Originally Published by REL Consultants  http://www.relconsultants.com

 

The Seven Benefits of Good Relationships at Work

You spend a lot of time at work. Life is short so why don’t you make the best of your time.  Being able to enjoy your connections with those you work with makes a world of difference. Here are some of the benefits of good relationships at work.

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The Enneagram an Excellent Tool

The Enneagram personality system helps you to get along better with your colleagues. It helps you to get to know yourself and understand others better.

When you come into the world, you naturally are given one of nine different ways to survive in the world. Both your genetic background and early life experiences influence the personality type you receive.

When you know what type you are, you begin to understand why you act the way you do. It also gives you clues as to what makes others tick. All this makes it possible for healthier relationships with your self and others. For more information on the Enneagram, please see last weeks blog.

Good Relationships Make a Difference

There are many reasons to have good relationships at work:

Feelings of Well-Being:

1.     Building relationships with your colleagues enhance your feelings of well-being. You feel supported not only in your paid work but in your general welfare as a human being.  You no longer have to divide your self between your personal and work life. You can be yourself in both places.

The Enneagram personality system helps you to become more present allowing you to be fully open at the moment. When you are open,  you are better able to create healthier boundaries. Healthy boundaries enable you to be fully present to another person without having to give up your own needs.

Communication Makes the World Go Around:

2.     Excellent communication makes your business more productive. Your ability to communicate with others increases as you build healthy relationships with those at work. The best way to talk with a colleague is by being fully open to their body language, emotions and what they have to say.

Communication is enhanced through working with the Enneagram. When you can see how different you see the world as compared to others, it opens the door to better understanding.

As you get healthier in all nine types, you have an excellent communication toolbox to get your message across in the most helpful way.

So much can get in the way of your people understanding you. The Enneagram shows you the places you tend to get stuck.

You begin to see your blind spots such as overcompensating for your lack of worth by focussing more on the needs of others and/or overly criticizing others for not completing tasks in the exact way you wanted.

A company that uses the Enneagram with staff and management helps your organization to get along with each other.  Learning the nine fundamental ways to function in the world helps to create self-awareness. This is the first step to excellent communication.

The Power of Collegiality:

3.     Collegiality is fundamental for a company to be productive, not only for staff getting along with each other but in relationships with your customers and clients.

For collegial relationships to be active and healthy, you need to move beyond your personality. The Enneagram points out where you get stuck in your habits. The Enneagram provides you a map to get out of your box.

When you are open to your three energy centers, through,  personal development, space opens up in your relationships. Creating space allows for bridges to be built across diverse views.  You make this happen by sharing skills, being open about your abilities, and expressing your creativity.

Collegiality at its best is like a dance where everybody knows how to move with each other bringing out your best.

Unmask Your Creativity:

4.     Creativity is a misunderstood word. How creative do you believe you are? You and everyone else has an artistic side. Did someone in your life try to silence your artistic side?

The Enneagram points to the creativity in you and everyone else. You are naturally creative when you are open to experiencing the world through our bodies, emotions and quiet mind.

When you have a group of people feeling good and enjoying the comradery of your colleagues, you will have a natural desire and ability to be creative.

You will no longer view the world as dualistic. Problems that seemed insurmountable, you will find a new way to move ahead. You and your colleagues will be free to try new ideas and retry old ideas that in another time didn’t work or given a chance.

You and your company are going to move ahead with greater confidence and ease.

Investing in Mental Health:

5.     Your physical, mental and spiritual health are vital to you and your organization.  More and more companies are encouraging their employees like you to stay active and fit through providing access to gyms, yoga classes and other forms of group exercise.

Your spiritual well-being is congruent with the worth you connect with the work you do. Doing work that goes against your values will destroy you. You want people in your places of work that believe what you are doing is essential and adds value to the world.

The Enneagram is a great tool to help you find balance in your life. It helps you to see what is missing in your life and what you overindulge. It not only helps you to name what is not, in balance but gives you clues to find balance again.

The Power of Conflict:

6.     Do you like conflict? You are probably like many who do not enjoy conflict unless you are one of the few people who thrive on it.

Conflict is prevalent in your life. You have conflict soon as you have a group of people with different points of view. In your diverse world, it is reasonable and healthy to have a difference of opinion.

As the Enneagram welcomes you into a non-dualistic word, many more solutions open up, especially when there are more two ways to resolve a conflict.

The Enneagram helps you to look at each situation with fresh eyes to see what is the best solution for the time.

Resolving conflict becomes a win-win solution which is good news for everyone!

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Efficiency Comes from Healthy Relationships:

7.     All businesses want to have efficient works. You are going to be the most efficient when you enjoy the benefit of good relationships at work.

If you have a bully for a boss, you might be efficient for a short time because of fearing your boss. But this will not last because unhappy, stressed out workers become less and less productive.

Bullied employees will get sick more often. Bullied employees will take more days off work because of stress and illness.  Bullied employees take no pride or responsibility in the operation of the business.  You will continually look for new employees as staff continues to leave for better work environments.

The Enneagram can help you, and your colleagues find ways to honor, support and respect each other. It will help you bring out the best in yourself and the rest of the staff and management.

The benefits of good relationships at work are many. A happy, meaningful and respectful work environment encourages healthy relationships between you and your colleagues.

When you are getting your needs met, you are going to be more relaxed, committed, creative and hard working.

If you see the value of the work you put into your job, you will treat your post as much more than a task to make money. If you are passionate about what you do you are going to work with high energy and dedication.

With the experience of knowing that conflict is positive, you will experience diverse opinions as a strength more than a curse.

You will find freedom in fully expressing your opinions, thoughts, theories, and ideas to your organization knowing they will be heard.  There is no longer need to pick only one winner. The team becomes more important than the individual.

Most of all, you will enjoy being with the people who work with you. Going to work will no longer be drudgery, but something you look forward to each day. Going to work becomes fun and empowering.

Roland Legge offers Life Coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, and Executives to help them to be the best they can be. For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or book your appointment online Please click on “Discovery Call.”

 

Originally Posted at REL Consultants http://www.relconsultants.com

 

A Fascinating Overview of How the Enneagram Personality System Works

Seven years ago I began learning about the Enneagram Personality System. It has changed my life for the better. I am much more compassionate and forgiving of myself. I have a lot more patience and compassion to work with people who experience the world differently from me. I am a healthier and happier person. It has helped me so much I want to share it with others.

This is a story of how the Enneagram the Enneagram personality system works.

Ennea means nine, and gram means figure in Greek. So together it means a nine-pointed figure. What is its history?  Here is a short synopsis:

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The symbol dates back about 2500 years. The actual date of its beginning or where exactly it started is unknown. It is a coming together of the wisdom of many different spiritual traditions. Much of it has come from Christianity, Buddhism, Islam (especially Sufis) and Judaism.

Much of this spiritual wisdom, was forgotten for hundreds of years. In 1875 Gurdjieff re-discovered the symbol in his search for the knowledge of the esoteric religions of the past. He formed a group called Seekers After Truth.  He and his friends traveled through Egypt, Afghanistan, Greece, Persia, and India.

Gurdjieff used the Enneagram as a tool to help his students to find their way in the world through dance and movement.

He explained that the Enneagram has three parts that represent the three central laws that describe divine law which governs all existence.

The circle represents unity, wholeness, and oneness and symbolizes that God is one (Hudson, 1999).

The next symbol is the triangle. In Christianity, this is referring to the Trinity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit or in the Enneagram world, the Law of Three. This symbolism found in the Kabbalah, an esoteric teaching of Judaism. The ancient traditions do not see the world as a place of opposites but of non-duality. Hence the world is full of many hues of color rather than black and white (Hudson, 1999).

The third part is the hexad, referring to the Law of Seven. It demonstrates to us that nothing is static. Our world is continuously changing, recycling and evolving or de-evolving. The Periodic Table and the Western musical octave are all based on the Law of Seven (Hudson, 1999).

The modern Enneagram as we know it came to life in California in the 1970’s under Claudio Naranjo.  Naranjo and many others since him have woven psychology into the Enneagram to bring it into the modern age. He used panels of each type as one way to teach the Enneagram.

Today the Enneagram teaches that when you are born into the world, your ego chooses one of the nine fundamental ways to survive in the world. These represent the nine Enneagram types. This is how the Enneagram personality system works.

You could not have survived without the ego type your inner self chose. No one knows why we choose the type we do. It is probably a mixture of genetics mixed with early life experiences.

Our personality can begin to get in the way when we become adults if we do not become aware of the limitations of our nature.  When you are stuck in your personality, you are only using one-ninth of the tools given.

All the things you do without thinking are your personality speaking. When you begin to be aware of your limited pattern (type) talking, you then become open to responding in new and different ways.

I always say to my clients that when you can notice your personality acting out, you then have the option to respond in ways that are more appropriate for the situation in which you find yourself.

The Enneagram is like a map. It shows you when you are healthy, and not so healthy. It points you in the direction you need to go to get healthier. It warns you when you are getting stuck in old habits that no longer serve you.

When you look at most Enneagram images, you will see arrows pointing in the different directions of integration and stress (disintegration).

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The Enneagram is never static. The health of your personality is never static. Each day you go up and down depending on how much stress you are experiencing.

There is movement on the Enneagram as you move to ether your integration point or your stress point.

The integration points you toward the functional aspects of another type when you are dealing with life well. When you are integrating, you are living beyond the trappings of your personality.

There is nothing wrong moving towards the stress type. The stress point is a safety valve. It prevents you from moving down to a lower level of health than you have ever been before.

Just to learn the types can be a fun thing to do. It can be a great party conversation. But it is only of use if you commit to learning through this tool through workshops, reading, reflection, counseling, and coaching.

The only person who can tell you who you are is yourself. For many people, it takes time to discern what type you are. It is easy to misidentify when you are not self-aware.

The Enneagram is no excuse to behave in a particular way. The gift of the Enneagram is that it points out to you the personality box in which you find yourself. A healthy person will develop strengths in all nine types. This is how the Enneagram personality system works.

Learning the Enneagram together with someone that knows you well such as your spouse can be a lot of fun. Your partner can help you to see who you are. When we are so close to ourselves, we can easily deceive ourselves into believing our desired image of our self when in reality people around us experience us differently.

The Enneagram teaching is an excellent tool for any group such as spouses, a whole family, congregation or business to learn how to get along better with each other. You begin to understand your differences because of how you see the world through your different lenses.

I expect at some time in your life you assumed that everyone thought the same as you did—until you got a rude awakening.  We all have different ways of seeing and experiencing the world.

You will discover that most people don’t want to annoy you. They just see the world in different ways and have different priorities.

The nine Enneagram types divide into a triad of gut, heart, and head. These are our three energy centers. Your type suggests which one of these energy centers you either avoid or overuse. It just means this is where you are most comfortable but to be healthy, we need to keep all three of these wisdom centers open.

You can also use another triad of assertive, withdrawn and dutiful.

The assertive types of people move out into the world with force and conviction. They are a force to be taken seriously.

The withdrawn types when under stress like to withdraw into themselves to recharge. They are usually great observers of what is going on around them. They are easy to get along with.

The dutiful types when under stress feel responsible for taking care of everyone around them and making sure everyone stays safe. The dutiful types can often feel overly responsible.

The Enneagram is all about finding ways to live with as much presence as possible. Presence is the ability to stay open to the wisdom of your three energy centers: the gut, heart, and head.

The Enneagram is meant to help you move out of the fog of life. When you are stuck in your personality, it is easy to go to sleep to your true self. You live out your image of yourself without any self-awareness. Your life becomes more and more limited unless you find the courage to discover who you indeed are.

Using the Enneagram takes time and intentionality. It is a tool that will give you new things to learn each day no matter how old you are. It is no quick fix.

If someone claims you need fixing with the Enneagram, run away as quickly as you can. These teachers are dangerous!

I love the Enneagram! I hope it can help you as much as it has and continues to help me. I learned that being a type six explained why I had had lots of anxiety issues through my life. I have a lot more compassion for myself. I have learned how important meditation is for me to quiet my mind.

The Enneagram can change the world!

Learning that I am a type six has helped me to acknowledge my strengths such as my ability to look for problems before they become serious.

It has been a blessing in my relationship with my wife, Jen. She is a type five (the investigator). She thinks everything through before she says anything. She finds it difficult to express herself especially when she doesn’t feel that she has enough information.

I am the opposite. I think out loud. I learn through my conversations with others. We have had to learn much. I have learned to give Jen lots of time to think. She has learned that she needs to tell me what she is thinking, especially when it is a decision that affects both of us. We now laugh together instead of cursing each other.

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I invite you to try out the Enneagram. It is a productive tool that reflects the complexity and holiness of each person.  It shows you where you are right now and where you need to go to get healthier.

This fantastic tool helps you to find your true self or God self. The Enneagram shows you a way to be aware of your sensations that are full of wisdom. The Enneagram shows you a way to remain open to your emotions through your heart. This is how the Enneagram personality works.

You learn that your feelings shine the light on how you are experiencing the world in each moment. Then your mind, when quiet, helps you to connect with your intuition.

Please join me on this journey to new life. May it be full of surprises, wonder, and hope.

 

Roland Legge offers coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, families, and executives to help them to be the best they can be. For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478, or you can email Roland at rolandlegge@relconsultants.com

 

Originally published at http://www.relconsultants.com/blog

Author: Roland Legge

 

 

How to Connect with God without Going to Church

Silhouette of woman praying to godGod is in the in-between. Spirit lives within us and around us. Spirit connects us with all of life both animate and inanimate. To communicate with God, we need to stay present and open to the wisdom that is available to us all the time. You don’t need to go to church to open your channels to higher vibrations.

Here are Nine ways to connect with God without going to church.

1.       Slow Down:

Your life is precious! You have a limited time on this fantastic planet earth. It is your job to make the most of it.  Staying open to this limitless sacred energy helps you to know how to live your life fully.  You will discover a natural flow to life that will carry you on like a gentle river.

If you want to stay connected with God, you need to slow down so the Spirit can get your attention. It is hard to remain related to the Holy when your life is so busy that you barely have time to sleep. God’s light will be revealed in our lives whenever we open up space for it to shine.

Make time for God, and you will be blessed.

2.       Meditate and or Prayer:

Meditation and prayer are all about creating openings for the Holy to reveal itself in our lives. Meditation can help you to experience God within yourself through your body, emotions, and mind. Prayer is more like an open conversation with Spirit.

There are countless ways to pray and meditate. One method you can use both is Centering Prayer. Father Thomas Keating has brought this practice back into our modern consciousness.  I love it because it does not require us to empty your mind. You choose a focus word to help bring you back into presence whenever you get too focused on a thought.

In the end, you need to find a practice that works for you.  You can have a conversation with God, but don’t expect instant answers. It may seem like God is not hearing you, but years later you will find that God did respond; not necessarily in the way, you had hoped. Prayer can include a lot of active waiting.  It is about living as though your prayer is answered but without any expectation of how God is going to respond.

There are many traditions to explore from a variety of Christian, Jewish, and Muslim traditions. Then there are the Eastern religions/philosophies to explore. There is no wrong or right way to pray. The only condition you should put on prayer and meditation is the holy intention of generosity, love, and respect.

Don’t expect this to be easy at the beginning. You will need to practice this new habit most days of the week, intentionally, before it becomes a regular part of your life.

 

3.       Enjoy the Outdoors:

Most of us feel connected to something higher than us when we are out in God’s fabulous natural world. I love walking along the seashore, lakes, and rivers. I love the grandeur of the mountains!  What do you enjoy?

Find where these sacred places are for you whether you live in the country or urban area. Make time for it. Go to these sites and just be. Soak in the beauty, wonder, and energy of the place.  Take deep breaths to quiet the mind so you can truly soak in the ambiance of the area. You will come out of these experiences at a higher vibrational level.

4.       Stay Open to Finding God within Yourself:

God is within you! God is as close as your breath and the beat of your heart. Going within helps you to find the oneness of God within you. Yes, you are worthy.  Yes, you are loveable.  Yes, you have a purpose in the world.

You might journal about how God is active in your life. Explore all the small and big things you have done that have made the world a better place whether that be for a person, pet, wild animal or for the whole earth.  Everything we do that blesses the earth, and all its inhabitants make a difference.

How do you know if it is God who is speaking to you?  It isn’t God if you are feeling shame. It isn’t God if it is destructive or violent. It isn’t God if you are trying to control or manipulate another person.

With practice, you will know the difference.

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5.       Look for God in each Person You Meet:

You meet all sorts of people every day. Try looking for God in each person you meet. It will change the way you see the world. It is tough to get angry with someone when you are open to the divine in them. Even if you can’t see God in another person, just know that God is there.

It is the holy within you that connects with the sacred in all people you meet, even people you don’t know. You know that you are part of God’s great family which includes every person on this earth.

6.       Stay open to Experiencing Spirit in Unexpected Places:

God will surprise you! Think for a moment of an experience of someone encouraging you or helping you, who you never realized cared about you.

Maybe it was the time a stranger stopped to give you directions. Perhaps it was the time when a person you had never met changed your flat tire. Maybe it was all the neighbors who brought you food when you were going through a rough time. Don’t focus just on people. Animals are amazing. Our pet dogs and cats intuitively know when you have a rough time.  Even wild animals warn us of wildfires. They let us know what kind of winters are to happen.

The most challenging gift from God is when it comes from a person you don’t like. It could be a sincere apology from a person who hurt you many years ago. An apology doesn’t mean you are required to become buddies with them. It can be enough to free you from the painful experience this person caused you many years ago.

 

7.       Find Music that Touches Your Soul:

What type of music touches your heart? Music can help you to get in touch with the inner part of your soul. I love Celtic music. What do you enjoy?

Music can take us to places in the heart that no words could ever hope to achieve. Music is universal. Everyone can appreciate music no matter where you come from, what you believe or how old you are.

There is spiritual music that is universal because it gets you in touch with the rhythms of life. Take time to listen to music that inspires you. Music is incredible when you are feeling down. Music can re-balance the body, heart, and mind.

Music takes you to your spiritual depths. It returns you to thin places where the holy and ordinary become one.  When you find yourself in thin places, you find joy in just being.

 

8.       Honor Your Body as a Sacred Place:

When you acknowledge that the Spirit is within you, it changes the way you see yourself. You begin to see yourself as valuable just for being you.

When you can feel the sacredness within you, you are called to take care of yourself. Imagine your body is your church, shrine, mosque, or any other holy structure. Our bodies need good food, exercise, relaxation, and meaningful work.

Our souls need loving relationships. Our emotional, spiritual and physical health needs attention, time and practice.

9.       Practise Radical Gratitude:

Practising radical gratitude opens the heart to the soul. Radical gratitude is the art of giving thanks to everything good in our lives. It can be:

·         The Sun that keeps us warm and helps to grow the food we eat

·         The Moon that controls the tides

·         Water that sustains life

·         Food that supports life on our planet

·         Friendship

·         Our pets

·         Animals, fish, insects e.c.t.

What else can you add to this list?

 

Practising this art of loving the world opens you up to experience the holy in your life. It is an excellent way for you to keep God in your day every day.  Our experience of the Spirit will become increasingly aware of the sacred the more you practice living with thanksgiving each day.

As you can see that connecting with God without going to church is achievable every day; but it does take practice.

It takes intentionality through slowing down, meditating, praying, enjoying the outdoors, looking for God within your self, being open to God in each person you meet, being open to experiencing God in an unexpected place, enjoy music that touches your soul, treat your body well and practice radical gratitude.

Staying attuned to God is a lifelong journey.  You are required to make these practices a regular part of your life if you want to live life to your best.

The best part is that you know deep within yourself you are never alone; the universe always holds you.

Yes, you don’t need a church to do this, but finding a community of like-minded people to encourage you on your journey is often helpful. But this can be any group. It doesn’t need to be a formal religious organization.

Find what you need to thrive with joy, hope, and purpose.  You are worth it!

 

Roland Legge offers coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, families, and executives to help them to be the best they can be. For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478, or you can email Roland at rolandlegge@relconsultants.com

 

This article was first published at REL Consultants

Nine Powerful Tips for How to Manage Transitions

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Life is full of transitions. Right from the beginning of life, you experience change. Your life changed when you left home for the first time. Your life changed when you graduated from College or University.

Your life changed when you got married.  Your life changed when you had your first child.  You experience these changes throughout life. The challenge is how to manage life’s transitions.

I am going through significant change. I left the full-time congregational ministry position in the United Church of Canada to start a Life Coaching business in my mid-fifties. I have been a minister for twenty-five years, and so much of my identity is with congregational leadership. I loved my job, but I had come to a ti

me when I was experiencing a  call to coaching. I had been feeling this for a while, but fear of change prevented me from acting until recently.

Changing my career is one of the most difficult things I have done.

I want to work with people who want to better their lives. It is such a thrill to experience people growing through coaching. My job in the congregation was no longer meeting my needs.

For the good of my health, I needed to make a change.

But this new path is requiring me to learn a lot of new things from going to coaching school and learning the tools to become an entrepreneur. It is both exciting and overwhelming at the same time.

Not everybody understands why I am doing what I am doing. I keep having to tell people I have not retired, I am merely going into a new field.  I am learning to be okay with it.

This experience taught me Nine powerful tips to manage life’s transitions.

 

1.       Ground Yourself:

Grounding yourself is all about the practice of living in the moment.

What do you find helpful to relax your muscles? Do you like to practice yoga, play a musical instrument, walk, get a massage? When your muscles are relaxed, help you to enjoy living in your body. Get comfortable with paying attention to your body. Your body offers you great wisdom every moment of the day.

What are you feeling in your heart? You need to be careful that you don’t confuse thinking with sensation. How do you know the difference? You might ask these questions: Does your chest feel open or closed? Does your chest feel warm or cold? Are you feeling happy or sad? Are you feeling hopeless or hopeful? Are you feeling calm or frazzled?  With practice, you will notice the difference.

To stay grounded you need to acknowledge your emotions without any judgment and let them go. There are no bad feelings. They come and go. Each different reaction will give you a clue about your well-being and how you need to respond to staying fully present in the world. A healthy person will be aware of the many different emotions you feel each day. You are not your emotion!

There are many ways to quiet the mind. Have you tried to guided meditation or breath exercises?  An excellent meditation App is called Insight Timer and is available on Google Play and at the App Store.

Listening to classical music can calm the mind. Going for a walk is great for our mental wellbeing if we treat it as a form of meditation. If you love gardening, this is an excellent way to become more present. Do something you enjoy doing that helps you to calm your mind.

2.       Pay Attention:

When you are grounded, it is much easier to pay attention to your inner and outer world because you are living in the present.  You have been blessed with vast spiritual knowledge if you just pay attention.

Stay attuned to your body. If you are feeling sore, tired, uptight, and strained are signs that you need to make changes in your life. Maybe you need to rest more. Perhaps you need to get more exercise. Maybe you need to spend more time with family and friends.

These sensations may be pointing out more significant concerns.  Maybe you need to get help for your relationship or end it.  Perhaps you need to get a new job that is more suitable for your well-being. Possibly, you need to see a doctor, a counselor or coach.

When you are grounded in the sensations, emotions, and thoughts of our bodies, there is much wisdom to be learned. The knowledge from our inner selves can help us to make smoother change throughout our lives.

 

3.       Share what is going on in your life with a friend, spouse or family member:

As human beings, we are intended to be in a relationship with others. You might think you can do life all yourself, but this is impossible. We need each other.  We need each other for companionship, play, work, and survival.

Your friends, family, and colleagues are often able to see things in yourself that you can not see yourself.

When you are going through challenges in life, it doesn’t seem as dark when you have someone else to walk with you through the ups downs.

In the end, a good friend is a person who over a period of years is there for you as you are for them. If someone consistently is sucking the life out of you. You either need to define some boundaries or end that relationship.

 

4.       Exercise:

Exercising helps you to remain connected with your body, heart, and mind. It helps you to move into the present. Being focused at the moment,  helps you to stay open to the universal wisdom of the earth.

When you honor your body, your heart and mind, everything begins to work in harmony. You know what you need to be about in life. Life becomes one of a surprise because you never quite know where each day will take you. The big difference is that you find this exciting instead of scary.

If you are driven to exercise, you are probably not living in harmony with yourself. But if exercise becomes a daily practice of caring for yourself then you are moving in a healthier direction.  You will not feel forced and desperate. You will feel satisfied each day even if you are not feeling at your best.

Exercise will just feel right!

 

5.       Play

Can you imagine a world without play? When you were a child, this naturally came to you. Games were how you experienced the world. The game is how you worked out conflict. The play is how you stayed fit.  This how you enjoyed the company of other people. Playing is how you learned.

Managing life’s transitions through play is an excellent way for you to weave your way through the ups and downs of life. How do you like to play?  Here are some ideas that you might enjoy?

·         Golf

·         Tennis

·         Bowling

·         Painting pictures

·         Photography

·         Singing

·         Dancing

·         Hiking

And much more!

I encourage you, along with me, to reclaim the gift of play. Life will become more fun and enjoyable. You will be more fun making you desirous to others. You will stay healthier. Moving through life’s transitions will become easier. When you are working, you will probably be more efficient, happy and satisfied.

 

6.       Befriend Your Fear:

You are programmed to be fearful of dangerous things that can hurt you. If you were a hunter in the early human era, you were afraid of wild animals who could kill you. Mothers in ancient times stayed attuned to their physical environment with its many dangers.

You were fiercely protective. The trouble is that we have moved so quickly into the modern age to a sedentary way of life our nervous system has yet to adjust.

So today your nervous system is activated when you don’t need it be. With breath work, bodywork and exercise you can manage this old automatic response by befriending your fear. All you need to do is allow yourself to feel the fearful sensations, emotions, and thoughts. When you can be with these painful vibrations,  emotions, and beliefs, they gradually begin to lose their power over you.

Claim your freedom and roar like a lion!

 

7.       Learn Valuable Lessons:

You are always learning!  When you stay as present as you can there is so much to learn each day. There are no mistakes, only opportunities to learn more about yourself and the world. When you can learn through the trials and tribulations of life each day gets a little more comfortable.

Your ego is always trying to protect you. The trouble is that the ego usually likes the status quo. So if you still listen to your inner critic, that part of you that wants you to stay safe through staying with the tried and true; you are going to miss a lot in life and have great difficulty dealing with the surprises.

When you do try on new learnings, it takes practice to live them out. Be gentle with yourself as you try living in new ways. Celebrate every achievement no matter how small it may seem to you.

The more you practice lifelong learning in your life the easier and more exciting it will become!

 

8.       Take Time for Rejuvenation:

You live in a busy world. With all the time-saving devices you are given the illusion that you can do more. Finding balance in your life is an on-going learning. A right place for you to start is to learn how to say NO  to activities/jobs that are not in your best interest. Life is short, so you need to use each moment well.

No matter whether or not you are introverted or extroverted you need to find the right balance of time for yourself or with companions.  Locate the balance for you that is regenerative.  You need balance, and you are the only one that will know what you need.

Slow down and smell the roses!

 

9.       Be Yourself:

Most of all,  be yourself!  Don’t try to be anyone else but yourself.  You are the supreme gift to the world when you bring your particular gifts and skills to the world.

When you can be yourself, you do not need to be in any competition with others. All you need to do is allow others to be themselves and don’t let your ego trick you into thinking you need to be someone else.

You are the most fantastic person in the world! But don’t forget every person is the most amazing person in the world.

So go out and be you in all the fabulous you can be!

 

How to manage life’s transitions is one of the most critical skills you learn.  We do it by grounding ourselves, paying attention, sharing with a friend or family member, exercising, playing, befriending your fear, learning valuable lessons, taking time for rejuvenation, and being yourself.

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With perseverance, you can begin to name the habits that are no longer benefiting you. Once you become aware of patterns that are no longer serving you, then have the choice to develop healthier ways of being. The more freedom you feel helps you to manage life’s transitions with greater ease.

There is a better way to live! Go and enjoy your life.

 

Roland Legge offers presence based life coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, and organizations to help them to be the best they can be. For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or book your appointment online. Please click on “Discovery Call.”

 

This article was first published by REL Consultants