Your Inner Critic is a Big Jerk–Until You Understand It

The inner critic is part of your ego. Your ego is your personality. You could not survive in the world without it.

In the first few months of life, you take on one of nine different personalities. Your personality gives you a way to engage with the world. It helps you to know how you are different from others. It helps you to make choices in your life. It helps you to stay safe.

Your inner critic is a big jerk! The trouble begins when you reach maturity. If you do not become aware of your personality and how it impacts you, you will miss much in life. You will also get yourself into trouble because of uninformed choices. You will lose opportunities in life because you are stuck in old habits and thought patterns that no longer serve you.

Your inner critic is the part of the ego that tries to keep you safe by keeping you stuck in your personality.  It wants to be your friend.

The trouble is that the inner critic prefers the familiar rather than uncharted territory. The familiar being the automatic habits that you do without thinking. If you remain imprisoned in your personality, you are going to be miserable.

With practice, you will start to notice when your inner critic is talking to you. The inner critic is that negative voice that is always telling you that you are not good enough, that you are stupid, and that nobody loves you.

Each personality type has particular issues that the inner critic likes to attack.

Type One:criticism

The inner critic for the One is always complaining that you are not doing it correctly. It is always telling you that you need to improve. You need to do better.  It can put a lot of pressure on you by saying to you that something terrible is going to happen if you don’t get it right.

When the inner critic is getting harsh with you, you are more likely going to get tough on others. The One fears that the poor choices of others are going to reflect poorly on you. They are going to interfere with all the excellent work you are doing to make the world a better place.

Type Two:

The inner critic of Two is always trying to tell you that you are not loveable. It wants to prevent you from being hurt by working extra hard to be accepted.  It will also tell you that you have to earn love from those around you. It will keep insisting that you need to go out of your way to help others.

It further insists that if t+e people don’t respond in the way you would like them to you need to go and tell them off.  The inner critic will encourage you to confront anyone who is not obedient to you. The inner critic wants to make you feel like a Queen or King and that everyone around you should treat you like that.

In the end, the inner critic will lead you to self-hatred telling you off that the person left you or didn’t do what you wanted because you were not good enough. You were not worthy of their love. It can leave you in a sad place.


Type Three:

The inner critic for the three is always evaluating your success. It wants you to notice if people are acknowledging how hard you are working. Have you met your sales goals? Have you done everything possible to be the best at what you do?

Whenever you try to slow down, your inner critic will keep pushing you to work hard.  Trying to take an afternoon nap is almost impossible.

Whenever you achieve your goals, your inner critic will push you to do something even grander. Every new task you take on you will need to work harder. You will need to change your behavior to fit whatever business/project you are working on.


Type Four:

The inner critic for the four is always trying to compare yourself with others. It keeps insisting that you will never fit in. It will tell you over and over that nobody will ever understand you. It will emphasize that you need to prove to the world how different you are.

The Four’s inner critic will encourage you to indulge in your favorite emotions. Your moods will reflect back to you what your inner critic is harassing you to think.

It will try to convince you that only through your moods you will know that you are indeed alive.

The inner critic is a big jerk. The inner critic forgets to tell you that your feelings are always changing. It avoids mentioning to you that staying stuck in depressive emotions for long periods of time only leads to misery for yourself and those around you.


Concept of accusation guilty unhappy businesswoman person

Type Five:

The inner critic for the Five is always calling on you to retreat to your inner self.  It wants you to stay safe by learning a topic well. It wants you to learn all that is possible to learn and do not talk about it until you feel knowledgeable enough.

The inner critic wants to instill in you a fear of being found out that you don’t know enough. It doesn’t want you to be embarrassed. It doesn’t want you to be humiliated. So to do this, you need to very cautious about what you say and to whom.

The Five inner critic is only concerned with your mind. It will continually dissuade from paying attention to your body and your heart.

The danger for a five is that you can become an island to yourself disconnected from family and friends.

Type Six:

The inner critic for the six is keeping you alert for all the dangers you and your loved ones face. It will try to keep you hypervigilant watching carefully for any threat that might come your way.

The Six inner critic will get you to question your abilities. It will get you to check out any decisions you are about to make with friends, families and so-called experts. You will be compelled to get as many opinions as possible.

Your inner critic will judge you for experiencing anxiety. It will get you to try and fix yourself making the anxiety worse and worse. The inner critic’s judgment will cause you to try and fix others making you feel even worse.

When feeling threatened, your inner critic encourages you to protect yourself from being hurt through cynicism.  Your cynicism will turn friends, family, and colleagues away from you.

Type Seven:

The inner critic for Seven will do everything in its power to keep you busy, having fun, going on adventures. This is all to keep you from feeling any emotional and/or physical pain.

The seven’s inner critic is desperate to keep you away from any problematic emotions. It causes you to get bored quickly. It lets you off the hook if you are bored with a task. It invites you to abandon the job because there is always something more exciting to do.

The inner critic of the seven lets you off any responsibility for completing any task.

The inner critic makes it clear that any person who tries to force them to slow down or force them to complete a task is no friend.  A friend of a seven is someone who joins them on their adventures and does what they want them to do.


Type Eight:

The inner critic for the Eight wants to protect their vulnerable feelings, emotions, and heart. The inner critic is only too happy to help you to put up protective walls to prevent you from being emotionally hurt.

The inner critic is also there to ensure that no one will stop you on any of your projects. It is there to help you to force your way ahead even if means hurting others.

The eights inner critic is a force to be reckoned with. The inner critic will blind you to the power you are using. You will have no idea of how others are experiencing you.

The inner critic is a big jerk. Your inner critic will make it difficult for you to slow down. It’s the only language is power and force. It thinks that confrontation is the only way to go. It is nervous at any time for inner reflection.  It doesn’t’ want your heart to be hurt ever again.


Type Nine:

The inner critic for the nine energy is trying to keep you safe by convincing you that you are unimportant. That no one really cares about you. That the only way for you to survive is to keep everyone calm at any cost to you.

The inner critic will try hard to make you feel insignificant. If you have no importance to others, you are not going to create any conflict.

The inner critic will get angry with you if you are allowing any conflict to happen in any group you are part of. If there is a conflict, there is a danger. If there is a conflict, you had better fix it.

The inner critic will make it difficult for you to speak your mind because it is too risky. It will insist that calm is more important than expressing your needs.

The trouble is that eventually after days and months of not having your needs respected and wants to be taken seriously you explode.  You easily become passive-aggressive.


You have an inner critic. The inner critic wants to keep you safe.  It tries to keep you safe by insisting you stay in your Enneagram type which it knows best. Fighting your inner-critic will only make it worse.

Woman breathing fresh air outdoors in summerYou can find freedom from your inner critic by learning to notice how it is impacting the decisions you are making in life. The inner critic is a big jerk – until you understand it. The Enneagram can point out to you through your type, how the inner-critic is operating in your life. The more you are aware of it, the more you are free to choose different options.

The inner critic will never disappear, often showing itself in stressful times. But with practice, you can befriend your inner critic by paying attention to it and letting it know that you as an adult are most capable of making right decisions.

The more you stay grounded in your three energy centers the inner critic will have less need to mess around with your life. When your three energy centers heart, body, and mind are working well, there is no place for the inner critic.  It knows you are safe and in good hands.  It recognizes that the universe will take care of you.

Roland Legge offers life/executive coaching and Enneagram workshops through REL Consultants.  For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by emailing Roland Legge at  or book your appointment online Please click on “Discovery Call.”

This Article was first published in the  REL Consultants (Roland Legge) Blog

How To Connect With The Spirit Of God While Meditating

Connecting with the Spirit of God is like falling in love. You have to create space in your life for it to happen.

You will experience the holy in your own unique way. There is no magic recipe to make it happen. You don’t need to be part of a church, mosque or synagogue. You don’t have to believe in a particular dogma. You just need to be open.

Here are eleven ways to help you create space for the spirit of God in your life:


1.     Choose a form of meditation that works for you:

I am using the term meditation in its broadest sense. It is any spiritual practice that can help you to quiet the mind.

Prayer is a form of meditation. When you pray you become open to the wisdom of God through listening with all your senses.

With intention, we can turn many life-giving activities into meditation.  What do you enjoy doing? Do you love to work with the soil? Do you like to create things with your hands?

Today there are apps out there to help you meditate. The App I like the best is called “Insight Timer” which is available at The App Store or Google Play.

One of my favorite types of meditation is called Centering Prayer. First, you choose a focus word. Just be silent for a few moments and see what word comes to your mind.

Start with a few minutes gradually increasing the length of your meditations to between thirty and sixty minutes every day.

Just allow your thoughts to pass through your head and when you start to focus on an idea go back to your focus word to bring yourself back to the present.

Over time you will look forward to your daily practice and notice the difference when you miss a meditation.

There are many forms of meditation that include chanting, yoga, mindfulness, circle dances and more.


2.     Practice:

Learning to meditate takes practice.  The more you do it, the easier it will be.

There is no telling when you will experience those holy moments with God. But the more you practice, the more likely you are to notice the sacred moments that happen every day.

Learning to meditate is all about quieting your mind.  Learning to meditate is all about becoming freed up to notice the wisdom you have been given through your body, heart, and mind.

You are not only to practice meditating but to improve your observation skills. Spirit is sharing wisdom with you every day. As you strengthen your ability to notice what is going on within you and around you, you will be rewarded with a depth of spiritual wisdom that will change your life.


3.     Journal:

Journaling is a great way to observe and name what is going on in your daily life. If you don’t like writing you could do an audio journal recording it on your smartphone.

Take time every day to name what you are learning through the sensations of your body,  your emotions, and your thoughts. Write this down whether that be in prose, poetry and/or drawings.

Give yourself time to fully experience the ups and downs of your day to day life.

Honor whatever you come up with. It is all good!


4.     Listen to the feelings of your body:

Your body is full of wisdom. The spirit of God often communicates with you through the sensations of your body.

In the beginning, these sensations may feel intense and overwhelming. But the good news is that the more you can be with these feelings the less power they have over you.

Often when trauma is not treated, the energy will get stuck in your body. So every time you get stressed out this physical memory gets activated. But the more you can be with your feelings and release those old memories you become more open to the present.

As you live more and more in the moment, the spirit of God will be able to better communicate with you through your body. God working through your body will help you know if you are on the right path.

When your body is entirely online, you will inwardly know how you need to live your life. You will know without any effort.



5.     Checkin with your heart every day:

The spirit of God is within your heart. Meditation and journaling help you to get in touch with your heart.  It is a beautiful and vulnerable place.

Are you aware of your emotions? Meditation will help you to name what you are experiencing whether that be sadness or joy.

Meditation will help you see the difference between what you think you feel as compared to what you are experiencing in your heart.

Meditation will unlock in you the truth of the heart. This is God’s desire for you to reflect the love of God back to those you meet every day.

Your own heart connects with the heart of God.  Your heart in alignment with God will show you how to live in the world. It will show you where you need to share God’s divine love in helping to build up a world where all can live with joy, hope, respect and good health.


6.     Pay attention to your intuition:

You have your intuition. Intuition is that inner knowing of something you need to do. You might think of a friend or family member and know you need to call them. Then you call them, and you discover it was important.

Your intuition might tell you that you need to leave your job. It knows that your job is hurting you and your family. You leave your job and find a happier life.

Your intuition comes from your body wisdom that is able to notice problems well before our mind becomes aware of it. It will know that there is something or someone better out in the world for you.

God speaks to us through our intuition. The more you are present to the moment the more you are attuned to the many subtle ways that God informs your choices.

With practice and experience, you will become more aware of whom is speaking to you. You will notice the difference between your ego speaking and God.


7.     Act out of faith:

This is where faith comes in. Your inner-critic will try hard to stop you. It will come up with all sorts of excuses. The inner-critic likes the devil it knows better than the devil it doesn’t know.

The inner-critic wants you to be safe. This was important when you were a child, but now an adult, you are capable of making your own choices; choices that are congruent with your emotional, physical, and spiritual well being.

With practice, you will be able to quiet your inner-critic.  As it calms, you will get more and more hungry to risk doing God’s work. Tasks that you once thought you were incapable of doing become possible. Actions that frightened you no longer overwhelm you.

There comes the point where you need to make it happen. It doesn’t have to happen all at once. But take a step forward declaring to the universe that you are ready to make changes in your life.

Listening to your inner wisdom, the spirit of God, you will find a joy in your life that you never dreamed of was possible.


8.     Live in the Moment:

As move into faithful living meditation will help you to live in the moment. Too much of your life you have probably spent too much time living in the past or future.

With practice, you will be able to focus your attention on the moment with access to all your internal wisdom. This gives you all the tools you need to make any choice in life no matter how small or significant.

As your life gets busy again, you may be tempted to let go of your daily meditation. You will notice a difference if you give up your spiritual practice. Daily meditation is crucial to staying in touch with the spirit of God.

You will find that you will have a lot more energy when you are living in the moment. You don’t get caught in unnecessary worry. You don’t fear for the future.

The decisions you need to make become clear because you inwardly know what is in your highest interest as an individual and as a community.



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9.     Find a community to encourage, support and hold you accountable:

If you are part of a church, mosque, synagogue or temple, you already have a built-in community.

If you are not part of any religious group, you will need to find a  group of people who can support, encourage and challenge you into being all you can be as you do the same for them.

As humans, we are not meant to be alone. You have been given unique gifts to share in the world. We need each other to bring out the best in each of us.

The spirit of God’s wisdom is often revealed where at least two or three people gather. We can help each other to see truths that, maybe, we can not see ourselves.

Each of us reveals the face, heart, and mind of God to each other. We become mirrors of the divine for ourselves and the world we live in.


10.Take care of your Self:

Daily meditation helps you to make room to take care of your physical, emotional, spiritual and intellectual needs.

Taking care of all your needs frees the spirit to work with you. When you have a healthy mind, body, and heart, there is little to get in the way of your relationship with the holy.


11.Manifest the spirit of God in your daily life:

Your body is your spiritual home! When you take care of your body, it becomes a welcome place for the spirit of God to reside.

When the spirit of God lives within us, God will become manifest in all you do.


Practising daily meditation has the potential to help you connect with the spirit of God.

People who meet you will notice it in how you treat other people. People will see it in how you care for others. People will see it in how you care for the earth.

You will experience the holy within you and around you. There will be a joy in your heart that will carry through the many challenges you will face.

With practice, meditation helps us to live intimately with God. When you live intimately with God, everything we do becomes a reflection of God’s love for all of creation.

When you are rooted in God, you naturally help to bring out the best in each other.  Be that best for yourself and all you meet.


Roland Legge offers life/executive coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, and organizations to help them to be the best they can be. For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or book your appointment online    Please click on “Discovery Call.”


Originally post at REL Consultants Blog


Join the Fight Against Human Trafficking by Arisjade

Please help us to stop human trafficking! The first place to start is to become informed.

The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel

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Hey guys! As some of you may know, January is Human Trafficking Awareness Month. Known as the modern day slavery, human trafficking is the fastest growing organized crime present day.

Simply put, human trafficking is the exploitation of human beings as a means of gaining profit. The victims are manipulated through use of violence, intimidation, debt, threats, blackmail, deception, and more. Human trafficking manifests itself in a variety of different ways, the most common being the sex and labor trades.

via Join the Fight Against Human Trafficking 

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The Enneagram Type Most Likely to Have Anxiety and How to Heal from It

The Enneagram Type that is most likely to have anxiety is called The Loyalist, and its also known as Type Six.


If you are a type six personality, this is what you may experience:

·        You have a hard time trusting yourself

·        You have a tendency to ask others for advice

·        You have a tendency to worry about things that are unlikely to happen

·        You experience anxiety

·        You quickly get caught up in fear

·        You like to fix things before they become a problem

·        You want to keep yourself and those you love safe

·        You like everyone to follow the rules

·        As the names suggests you are loyal to those you love and work with

·        You love it when everyone is working well together

·        Some Loyalists deal with their anxiety internally, while others push against their fears.

All people experience stress, and as we have all types in us.  The suggestions I am about to offer will be helpful for anyone.

Here are eleven ways to reduce anxiety:

1.     Meditation:

Type six personalities are most likely to have anxiety. People with anxiety have overactive minds that need quieting down. People who identify as Loyalist tend to focus more on the past and the future than the present.

Your goal is to learn to live in the moment with all your inner wisdom available to you. When you become free from the past and future, the world no longer feels so scary.

Meditation takes you into the present. There is no wrong or right way to meditate. You can turn a walk or gardening into a time of meditation. Any activity that helps you to quiet your mind will help you to relax.

There are Apps such as “Insight Timer” that is available at both the App Store and Google Play.

Use this reflective time to notice what is going on in your body, in your emotions, and in your mind. Just allow yourself to be present with what you are experiencing without trying to do anything about it.

The more you are able to stay with your sensations, emotions and thoughts the less you will react. The less you react, the more clearly you will be able to make important decisions for yourself.

2.     Breathing:

If you are not breathing, you are dead. This is true. Yes, it doesn’t take any thought to breathe. Yet, when we do this with intention we can become more relaxed and home in our bodies.

The more anxious we get, the more and more we breathe shallowly. When you are not breathing deeply, you are no longer present in your body.

Notice this the next time you get anxious. Just with a minute of intentional deep breathing can bring you back into your body.

The wonderful thing is that you can do this anywhere without others even knowing you are doing it.

All you need to do is to breathe in slowly and slowly let it out. You can do this as many times a day as you need to. Please don’t overdo this breathing as it can cause you to hyperventilate.

This should help you to relax. If it is making you worse you are probably trying too hard.

3.     Journaling

If you are a type six, you are most likely to have anxiety. Your mind can quickly get out of control. It gets out of control when you focus on things you have no power over. Writing out your fears can help you to let go of them.You can brainstorm onto paper all the things you are worried about. This in itself can help you to quiet your mind.

The next step is to ask yourself if these fears have any validity to them. What is true? What is the kernel of truth? What can you let go of?

For example, you may be worried about your annual job review. Your mind might be getting the best of you, worrying about all sorts of scenarios that are unlikely to happen.

As you calm down with breathing, ask yourself what the kernel of truth is. Maybe it is that your job is important to you.  The rest are lies. Your experience at work will probably tell you that you have nothing to worry about.

If the worst-case scenario of being fired comes true, will the world end?  The world is not going to end. You will go through a challenging time, but you will find a new job. In the end, all will be well.



4.     Ritual:

Ritual can help you to find inner peace. Ritual, helps you to remember that you are part of something more significant.  These daily, weekly, monthly or yearly routines help you to remember that you have a place in this world.

Ritual does not have to be religious. Ritual can include sitting down and having a cup of-of coffee before you go to work. The ritual can involve sitting down with your family for supper every night.  Ritual can acknowledge significant occasions in our life such as birth, adolescence, becoming an adult, leaving home, the first job, getting married, having children, college, retirement, and death.

Ritual helps you to know that you are on a journey and you are not alone. It reminds you that you have worth. It tells you that you have a purpose in the world.  It reminds you that you have an essential role to play.

5.     Naming Your Inner Critic:

You have an inner critic. Any person with an active inner-critic is most like to have anxiety.  It is the part of your ego that tries to keep you safe. You could not have survived in your early years of life without it.

It is that negative voice within you that is putting you or others down. It is the ego trying to keep you to what it knows.

When you are stuck in the world of your inner critic, life is going to be very stressful. It limits your response to life and leads you to act in ways that are no longer healthy for you.

For us to get healthier, you need to start becoming aware of how you respond to stress in life. There are many tools available to you to help you become conscious of how you react to the ups and downs of life.

I recommend to you the Enneagram Personality system. It shows you what to watch out for and gives you tools to help you become more attuned to your body, emotions, and mind.

With time and practice, you will catch yourself in the act. What I mean is you will start to notice when you are acting out an old pattern that you know longer want to do.

You will eventually get to the point where you will become aware just before you were going to do it and will then have the opportunity to act in new ways.

6.     Be your self:

You are in charge of your own life. When you are online with your three energy centers, you will know how you are meant to live your life.

Your body will let you know what it needs to be healthy. Your heart will let you know how you are to make a difference in the world. Your mind will help you to make your life what you want it to be.

To be yourself you need to listen to the wisdom within you. You will inwardly know the direction you need to go.

Don’t worry what others think of you. If you are on the right path just let go of all the expectations family and friends have of you. In the end, they will respect you for the choices you have made.

7.     Seek community and support:

You need people in your life to be healthy. Being real with other can help us to be more at peace.

Seek out friends and family you can trust. Let them know what is going on with you. You can do the same for them. Just speaking what you are experiencing can reduce anxiety significantly.

Go and enjoy activities with friends and family. Having some fun is one of the best ways to overcome anxiety. Find a friend who helps you to laugh.  Laughing is therapeutic.Sometimes you will need to get professional help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. This is a sign of strength and not weakness.

There are many counselors, coaches and healing practitioners out there. Ask friends and family for suggestions. When you go to your first session ask questions to help you discern if they are the right match for you.



8.     Celebrate Life:

You are given a short time on the planet earth. Use your time for the best.

What do you want to achieve in life? What experiences do you want to have? Don’t keep putting these off. If you really want to do something whether that is going on a trip, learning something new and/or going back to school, make it happen.

Figure out a way to make your dreams a reality. Don’t be afraid to spend money on your self if that investment will help you to do what you have been called to do.

Make sure you take time to play. If you don’t have children in your immediate family find someone else’s children who can teach you to play again.

Play music, dance, make art, write, garden, cook, enjoy good food and sing. Do this until your heart is overflowing with joy!

9.     Love Your Self:

Loving yourself is critical to your wellbeing! There is a big difference between being self-righteous and loving yourself. When you are self-righteous, you are only concerned about yourself. When you love yourself, this is not just for you, but it is also for your friends and family.

A happy, healthy you is the best gift you can give to the world. When you are at your best, you bring your best self to the world.

You love yourself by taking care of your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs. What do you need to do more of? What do you need to do less of?

10.You don’t need to be fixed:

You are perfect just the way you are.

Some of us are more likely to have anxiety. This is part of the human condition.

Instead of finding ways to fix yourself, learn to accept yourself just as you are.  Don’t try to hide the emotions, sensations, and thoughts that make you feel uncomfortable.

Allow the sensations and emotions to surface and just be with them. With intentional deep breathing the emotions, sensations, and thoughts become less and less overwhelming.

11.It doesn’t have to be this way!

You may be a person that is more likely to be anxious. All of us face anxiety at some time in our lives.  But the good news is that we don’t need to allow anxiety to continue interfering with your life.

If you identify with type six, the Loyalist, you are more likely to experience anxiety. Yet no matter what type we may identify with being anxious is part of the human condition.

If you work through these eleven suggestions, you will be able to tame your anxiety.

There is no magic solution. Healing from anxiety is a long-term process. It may never totally disappear, but you will experience more joy and ease in your life the more you come to terms with it.

You will find some of these suggestions more helpful for you than others. Explore these activities and see what works best for you.

No matter what happens to remember you are not alone. You have friends and family to help you. When you need more help, there are psychiatrist, counselors, coaches and other healing practitioners.


Roland Legge offers life/executive coaching and Enneagram workshops through REL Consultants.  For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or book your appointment online    Please click on “Discovery Call.”


Originally Published on the REL Consultants Blog